What to Expect
I have a confession to make…
It’s a little odd that I’m writing about it here, but I want you to know where I’m coming from.
Are you ready for it?
Here it is…
I’m often embarrassed to tell people I’m a “life coach.”
When asked what I do, I usually start by saying, “I’m a coach.”
I then add, “Executive coaching… personal coaching…”.
Occasionally someone will ask, “Like a life coach?”
To which I begrudgingly acknowledge, “Yeah, kinda like that.” I slip the “kinda” in there to make sure they know I’m not “that guy.”
You know that guy…
The one who speaks in platitudes…
Posts way too much on Instagram.
And is all about “rah-rah” and “positive thinking.”
That’s right. I don’t want them to think that’s me. Yes, I care too much what people think.
Just like my clients, I’m a work in progress.
So, I admit, I still get embarrassed. I still have shame to work through. I still have fears. I’m not perfect.
But I’m proud of the work I do.
Coaching changed my life as well as the lives of many of my clients. The only problem is that people don’t understand what I do – no matter how many times I try to explain it. I’ve taken that as a cue to work on my message about it.
So, let’s explore coaching and my approach to it…
Let’s start by addressing what coaching is not.
Coaching is not therapy.
Therapy generally deals with treating diagnosed psychological disorders and healing emotional and psychological wounds from the past.
The coaching approach assumes that you are whole, complete, and resourceful. We’ll work in the present to create a future that you desire. The past might come up, but we don’t spend a lot of time or focus there.
Coaching is not consulting.
Consultants are generally experts in their fields who tell you what to do based on their expertise and experience.
As a coach, I don’t assume to be the expert on your life. Instead, I trust you (even when you don’t trust yourself) and trust that you know what’s best for you. I will hold up a mirror and tell you what I see, but I will not tell you what to do.
“Well, then… what IS coaching?”
If it’s not therapy and you don’t tell me what to do, what DO you do?
Well, why don’t I start by telling you what you can expect when we start working together? If you’ve ever had therapy, the coaching session itself might feel very similar to a therapy session.
Quite simply, we talk. You bring whatever is on your mind. I ask you lots of questions. I reflect what I see. Sometimes we go deep. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes there’s a lot of emotion. Sometimes there’s not. It’s different from client to client and session to session.
It’s all in service of the bigger picture of what you want your life to look like ultimately. We address the whole picture: your work, your relationships, your family, your friends, your play, your physical body, your relationship with yourself… all of it.
Don’t worry: In the beginning, I’ll take the lead as we create a foundation for our work together.
In the first few sessions, we’ll do some exercises to get to know the essence of who you are as your most fully expressed self. We’ll also identify what you want and what’s getting in the way of your achieving it.
During these foundational sessions, we’ll create “projects” with measurable results, and we’ll get clear answers to questions like, “What do you want your life to look like one year from today?”
Once the foundation is set after a few sessions, I’ll hand you the reins – and you’ll lead. Don’t worry; I’ll still provide a “container,” and we’ll have the projects to guide us. But from week to week and in each session, the agenda will be yours.
I’ll usually ask you what you want to discuss and what you want to walk away with from each call. We’ll use the projects as our North Star… and take specific coaching requests of the day to steer the conversation.
To repeat, YOU will bring the plan each week, not me.
I don’t have an agenda (other than supporting you to get what you say you want).
So, we set the foundation, create the plans, and then execute. And along the way, we’ll course-correct.
Results happen through relationship, awareness, and practice.
Relationship
The relationship creates a safe and compassionate space for you to share freely without the fear of being judged. My hope as a coach is that my clients have a sense that someone’s “got them”; that I’m on their team and have their back. I want my clients to feel like they’re not in this alone. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t coddle my clients. I believe in them and consistently remind them of who they are and what they are capable of. At the same time, I offer unwavering support and compassion.
As time goes on, you build the courage to experiment with new ways of being. You consider new paradigms. You experiment with new behaviors. You try things outside your “comfort zone.” By definition, these new things are scary, or at the very least uncomfortable, so it’s nice to know that somebody will be there for you if you fall.
“It was definitely not always easy, but Michael provided the right mix of compassion and rigor that helped me get to where I needed to in my life.” – Fayzan R. (Former Product Lead at Google)
Awareness Choice and Practice
Throughout the coaching process, you’ll get to know yourself on many levels. You’ll notice how you show up in the world. In the beginning, you become aware of your “automatic” or “go-to” ways of being. Next, you notice how you typically react to a challenging situation.
For example, you might find that you react to certain type of person in a very specific, predictable way and that this way shows up repeatedly throughout your life. You might start to notice patterns in how you react to disappointment or not getting your way, or not “controlling” a certain situation. You might recognize an attachment to being “right,” and realize how that impacts your life in various ways.
A lot of the coaching process is about recognizing and distinguishing patterns in your life that play out repeatedly. You’ll build this skill of self-awareness over time, and eventually, you’ll be able to “catch yourself” in the moment and identify a reaction as you have it. It’s at this moment where you have access to choose. You can choose to allow your automatic to play out, or you can choose something outside of it. The more you do this, the more you practice, the better you get.
Awareness is necessary but not sufficient
Awareness is the booby prize of personal growth. While it can feel really good in the moment, by itself, it doesn’t lead to a whole lot of anything. Without follow-up and practice, there is very little chance of having any real, sustainable change or integration. The more you choose outside of your automatic, the more change, AKA growth, occurs. This is where people can move past their fears and “stops” beyond where they’ve gone in the past.
For example, maybe you’ll find the courage to speak up in a meeting, lead powerfully, have that difficult conversation, post that thing on social media, book that trip, make that call… etc. The more you’re able to expand beyond where you normally stop, the more your world opens up.
Now that you know what coaching’s about…
Let’s talk.
Now is the time. Call (323) 638-4014 or fill out the form below to schedule a one-hour discovery session to see how coaching can support you to create the life you want.